First dates with new people are a myriad of emotions! Nerves, excitement, anticipation, stress all combine to make it seriously tough to think of things to talk about on a first date that won’t feel like time killers.
We all want to come across in the best way.
- Interesting but not opinionated.
- Confident but not arrogant.
- Excited but not a ball of nerves.
One of the great ways to get a new date off to a brilliant start is to have a few things to talk about up your sleeve. I’m not talking here about having a whole monologue rehearsed and ready to go, but a few conversation starter ideas that will ensure you relax into the flow of the fledgling relationship without painfully awkward silences.
So, you’re ruling out the weather – dull, bland, generic, uninspiring. You don’t want to go there with exes and past relationships; too dark and negative for a blossoming connection.
Here are four ideas for deep and interesting things to talk about on a first date that will make an impact!
1. Who or What Inspires You?
This question is an excellent way to get to know a lot more about a date without asking them outright about their life goals or aspirations (way too soon!).
Inspiration can come from anywhere, and we’ve all got people we look up to, emulate, or wish to be like. That might mean wanting to be an extraordinary lawyer, the best teacher in your state, or to raise a family with the kindness and warmth of your own parents.
It’s always best not to make a new date feel like they’re being quizzed, tested, or put on the spot. So make sure you phrase this sort of question as a genuinely interesting topic, rather than placing your new date under the spotlight!
‘I was talking to a colleague the other day about who has inspired us to choose the paths we’re on at the moment. Do you ever think about that kind of thing?’
Doesn’t get much deeper, but gently discreet than that!
2. Where Do You Want to Learn and Grow?
Another way to show interest, have an opportunity to listen, and get deep without feeling like you’re forcing it.
Self-development is something we all do all the time, even if we’re largely unconscious of it! We might try out a bolder new hairstyle to be more confident, apply for a promotion to upgrade our professional skills, or start watching a new documentary series to learn more about something that interests us.
It doesn’t have to be a challenging question but is far more interesting than asking what you do for a living or where you want to be in five years – and less clichéd too!
Again, having your own answers ready or contributing to the conversation is essential, so this feels like a two-way discussion and exploration rather than an interview.
Be prepared to talk about where you want to go, what you want to learn more about, and where you hope your pathway will take you.
3. Do You Have Any Deal-Breakers?
Slightly more serious, but also a relevant and necessary discussion to have. Nobody wants to invest their time and emotional energy in a date that goes unbelievably well only to find later down the line that there is a severe compatibility issue that means you can’t progress the relationship any further.
I think it’s best to be upfront and honest – and build the foundations of trust on that basis.
Most of the time, you won’t find any absolute deal-breakers that mean a second date is out of the question, but you will also gain an insight into your date’s preferences, feelings, and priorities.
Some of the deal breakers you might need to be prepared for are:
- Incompatible beliefs – say one of you is passionate about your faith and can only see a future with somebody who feels the same, and unfortunately, your beliefs aren’t shared.
- Commitment – if you are only interested in long-term, monogamous love and a date isn’t willing to settle for one person or wants to have an open relationship, that probably isn’t going to work.
- Location – long-distance relationships can and do work. Still, if you don’t feel it’s something that can work for you, and the date is planning a relocation or traveling in the near future, it may not end up as you hope.
Relationship values are crucial, yet, it can seem almost confrontational to demand a resume of what a new person wants to achieve from a date at such an early stage. So, a humorous, light-hearted discussion about deal-breakers is a great way to learn more about a person.
4. What Makes You Laugh?
There is so much common ground in humor, laughter, and romance. Asking what your date does to bring joy to their life is a perfect way to share your experiences and see where your lives might slot together.
Perhaps they love a particular TV show, comedian, or sport that brings happiness to their days. It might be that they have a beloved pet that makes them giggle with their antics or a place for people watching that always proves to be humorous.
Again, you can learn a lot about a person from finding out what makes them cheerful and perhaps will discover answers that resonate with you – and give you a great platform to build on together.
There are millions of things to talk about on a first date that are fillers. So, by having a few authentic, interesting topics up your sleeve, you can show genuine interest and enthusiasm that your date is sure to replicate.